In this post, I’m looking at varied ways in which unspoken thoughts can be conveyed amidst other forms of speech. We’re all familiar with the back and forth of ‘she said/he said’ of Direct speech (i.e. speech said aloud in conversation). But Direct speech is just one of the forms of speech and dialogue used in fiction and creative nonfiction narratives. Lately I’ve been reading a few manuscript drafts that rely too heavily on Direct speech. I’ve been talking to the writers about what else is possible.
The benefit of using a range of narrative speech and dialogue techniques is that when done well, together they produce complexity and richness of characterisation and narration. Unspoken thoughts, or what is often referred to as Interior monologue, is a form of speech that can be used to great effect.
You’ve probably heard of Free indirect speech and Indirect speech; these terms refer to a literary method where a character’s first-person thoughts or spoken words are conveyed in the voice of the third person narrator. The word ‘free’ is used to indicate that the speech is free of quote marks or other textual makers to show it’s speech; the reader ascertains that the character is thinking or speaking from the context.
The examples I discuss here employ Interior monologue, along with Free indirect and Direct speech. Let’s see how well they can work together. I’m drawing on two Australian writers, Karen Wyld and Luke Carmen, and Jane Austen.
Karen Wyld, short story, ‘Clatter Tongue’ (extract)
This short passage has 3 kinds of speech in it: words spoken aloud (‘Want one?’); reported speech without the content of the speech (‘they were deep in conversation’) and interior monologue when she guesses at the man’s age; wishes the bus would arrive soon (‘willing the bus to arrive’); and when she wonders if the couple would help her. There is also silence during the encounter, when Treanna doesn’t respond verbally to a question, just shakes her head.
‘Want one?’
Treanna turned and saw an older guy, perhaps mid thirties. Greasy blond hair framing a flaking sunburnt face. He held out a crushed pack of smokes. She shook her head. He looked her over, smirking. She turned away, willing the bus to arrive. She glanced at the couple under the tree and noticed they were deep in conversation. She wondered if they’d even bother to look her way if she needed help.
These different forms of speech all contribute to the incident’s tension and the reader’s intimate sharing of Treanna’s experience at the bus stop. We know what she sees and hears, what she thinks, and doesn’t say.
Here’s the example again with the types of speech indicated in brackets:
‘Want one?’ [Direct speech]
Treanna turned and saw an older guy, perhaps mid thirties [internal thought]. Greasy blond hair framing a flaking sunburnt face. He held out a crushed pack of smokes. She shook her head. [Silence in response to his question] He looked her over, smirking. She turned away, willing the bus to arrive. [Internal thought] She glanced at the couple under the tree and noticed they were deep in conversation. [Reported speech] She wondered if they’d even bother to look her way if she needed help. [Internal thought]
If you’re a writer interested in practicing using different kinds of speech, this example is a great one to practice from. Try these techniques with a scene from one of your own stories. It’s technically simple, yet remarkably effective because of how well the techniques are deployed to convey Treanna’s perspective.
Jane Austen, Sense and Sensibility
Jane Austen’s famously good ear for characters’ voices, and her technique of merging the narrating voice with a character’s internal voice, is one of the defining characteristics of her famous ironic style. Whereas, in the example from Wyld’s short story, it’s clear that Treanna’s responses are unspoken, in this Austen passage there is indeterminancy. Is it the narration mimicking Mrs Dashwood, is she thinking, or is she speaking?
Are these Mrs Dashwood’s thoughts, or has she said them aloud to Mr Dashwood? The passage is followed by a long conversation using direct quote marks (“ “), between the husband and wife. Yet in this passage, there are no textual indications that her thoughts are said aloud as speech; this uncertainty is stylistic, i.e. deliberate. Only when Mr Dashwood replies, is it clarified that Mrs Dashwood was saying these words aloud. Until then, we feel as if we’re sharing Mrs Dashwood’s consciousness.
Mrs John Dashwood did not at all approve of what her husband intended to do for his sisters. To take three thousand pounds from the fortune of their dear little boy, would be impoverishing him to the most dreadful degree. She begged him to think again on the subject. How could he answer it to himself to rob his child, and his only child too, of so large a sum?
“It was my father’s last request to me,” replied her husband, “that I should assist his widow and daughters.”
The first sentence in the extract is narration; we’re being told how Mrs Dashwood feels about her husband’s decision: she did not approve. The third sentence is reported speech; we don’t hear her words as a direct quote, but in summary form (she’d ‘begged’ her husband to think again). The second and fourth sentences (with my added italics) are intentionally ambiguous; they might be both the narration setting out Mrs Dashwood’s thoughts, and also what Mrs Dashwood said aloud.
The passage is both focused on the spouses’ conflict about the money, while also revealing Mrs Dashwood in her outward appearance to her husband, and her internal world to the reader. Using a varied range of forms of speech can create a layered, complex effect in a narrative.
Luke Carmen, short story, ‘An Ordinary Ecstasy’ (extract)
This example also shows the powerful effect of the narration aligning with the character’s perspectives and thoughts. Holly’s thoughts are in italics (my added emphasis). She reiterates or repeats Will’s questions via the app (direct quote); and then involuntarily recalls one of her father’s rants through Free indirect speech (which I’ve edited for length). And as with the Austen examples, there are lines in which narration and internal thought merge (in the lines about the mandate).
While the story is written in Third Person it has the intimate effect of First Person, because we have direct access to Holly’s consciousness.
…Her match’s name was Will, and he was young, only twenty-seven. And what is he really asking, here? Holly wondered, rethinking the clumsily playful question he’d sent. There was a mandate for something called ‘banter’ on the dating apps. You were supposed to communicate using a coded substitution for wit and charisma, ideally peppered with cliches and puns. ‘Hey babe, are you corona? Cause you’re taking my breath away! If the virus doesn’t take you out, can I do you the honours? You can’t spell quarantine without u R A Q Tl’ Just the thought of this so-called banter was enough to get her day off to a lousy start. All sorts of curmudgeonly indigestions crowded in on Holly’s consciousness. She heard her father’s voice coming on, the old professor, his belief that we are witnessing the technocratic enslavement of depoliticised and alienated populations, whose shared humanity has been beaten out of them […] et cetera, et cetera. Holly heard the old man’s voice in her mind whenever a grim mood took her in, but she tossed this morning’s funk aside with a laugh at her own expense, thinking, don’t become the old underground man this early in the morning, not before the morning coffee.
From An Ordinary Ecstasy, Giramondo Press, 2022
There’s a wonderful textual richness here, produced by this clash of voices and perspectives that Holly is adjudicating; her own, Will’s nonsense, her professor/father’s rants. There’s sympathy, humour, and a strong sense of how Holly tries to resist and deflect the noise of these men on this particular morning.
Jane Austen, Emma, Chapter XI
I’ve included this second example from Austen and placed it after the Luke Carmen example because both use the same technique of internal monologue. Carmen’s short story is contemporary, Austen’s Emma was written more than 200 years ago. Good writing techniques are timeless.
The extract opens with direct speech between Harriet and Emma. Then, in response to what Harriet says about Mr Knightly, Emma has an intense reaction. She doesn’t share her thoughts with Harriet because she’s in a tumult, she has secrets, she is realising truths about herself. The narration guides the reader to understand what is at stake here: Emma is becoming acquainted with her desires and her moral failings. We hear Emma’s voice, as she silently speaks to herself. (I’ve italicised the Internal thoughts.)
Harriet was standing at one of the windows. Emma turned round to look at her in consternation, and hastily said,
“Have you any idea of Mr. Knightley’s returning your affection?”
“Yes,” replied Harriet modestly, but not fearfully—“I must say that I have.”
Emma’s eyes were instantly withdrawn; and she sat silently meditating, in a fixed attitude, for a few minutes. A few minutes were sufficient for making her acquainted with her own heart. A mind like hers, once opening to suspicion, made rapid progress. She touched—she admitted—she acknowledged the whole truth. Why was it so much worse that Harriet should be in love with Mr. Knightley, than with Frank Churchill? Why was the evil so dreadfully increased by Harriet’s having some hope of a return? It darted through her, with the speed of an arrow, that Mr. Knightley must marry no one but herself!
Her own conduct, as well as her own heart, was before her in the same few minutes. She saw it all with a clearness which had never blessed her before.
How improperly had she been acting by Harriet! How inconsiderate, how indelicate, how irrational, how unfeeling had been her conduct! What blindness, what madness, had led her on! It struck her with dreadful force, and she was ready to give it every bad name in the world.
In the Carmen example, the narrative points to elements of Holly’s mental/emotional habits, for instance here: ‘Holly heard the old man’s voice in her mind whenever a grim mood took her in’. Similarly, in the Austen example, the narrator points to Emma’s intelligence: ‘A few minutes were sufficient for making her acquainted with her own heart. A mind like hers, once opening to suspicion, made rapid progress.’
In all these examples, the narration directs the reader’s focus and interpretation of the character’s thoughts, while also providing direct access to the character’s private thinking. It’s through techniques such as these that readers can share the consciousness of another ‘person’, i.e. character. This is what narrative fiction excels at, giving us access to the minds of others.
If you’d like to join me in more discussions about writing technique, the craft of writing and developing your own work, get in contact. My Winter Writing Workshop commences July 18. Enrolments are open now.
ABN 78479174089 © Jane Messer and The Bold Ink Creative Mentoring & Author Services, 2012-2024. Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.
